I mean absolutely no offense to anyone. I like situational or contextual humor. I dislike mockery. Hope that this thread fits both.
Notice that all swim types end with a "-ist" to emphasize the expertness of the type, not just someone doing things (-er, -or).
NOTE: should anyone feel offended, please inform me. I will remove the dubious parts.
Is constantly searching for eye contact with someone on deck or in the pool.
Does swim at times, but only in an attempt to impress the targeted person. Swim technique is usually inversely proportional to the time smiling.
Can be male or female.
Is easily identified by extremely peculiar tools used, such as ankle bands, or dragging devices (parachutes), or lead belt, among others.
Is systematically out-of-breath, on the verge of passing out, out of physical or mental effort.
Has been subject to severe muscles cramps or drowning more than once. Interestingly, this type of happenings motivates them even more to push the limit. They particularly enjoy suffering.
Their reason for living lies in racing with other swimmers, in the same or in the neighboring lane, even if they do not know each other.
They particularly proliferate in environments where hobby swimmers practice body balance drills or easy lap swimming.
Their swim technique is usually rough and they spill a lot of water... in the air and in the face of other swimmers.
Their closest cousins in the human evolution are to be found in reputed circuses and selected theme parks.
They usually cruise in the swimming pool at a moderate speed, however over a significant distance. For the untrained eye, they may be confused with pool cleaning robots as they move in straight lines up and down the pool at a constant speed with no or little breathing movements.
An interesting characteristics is their ability to time each lap with great consistencyy, such that some swimmers use them as a reference for controlling their own pace. The lane in which they cruise is most of the time clear of any other swimmers as they might generate a feeling of fear, much like standing in the path of a driverless car.
They excel in identifying one another. They usually form clusters of the same kind at the end of the pool, though it might happen that clusters form in the middle of the lane, especially in shallow waters. Interestingly, they have the ability to form particularly large clusters during mid- to long distance swimmer training sessions.
They can be male or female, young or less young.
My other "bete-noire" is the breast-stroker who keeps the head above the water all the time and is oblivious to keeping a straight course - and so veers across the path of a poor freestyler, behind and to one side, who spends most of the stroke cycle with head looking at the bottom, following the line of tiles. (The offender is usually a lady again. trying not to get her "hair-do" wet!)
I "get my own back" by sometimes doing a bit of butterfly, with splashy arm water entries - causing a bit of consternation to the "head above the water all the time" swimmers ("Oooh! What a lot of nasty splash he makes!"). Except one lady said to me "I'm getting out now - so it's all right for you to swim butterfly!" "Oh - thank you ma'am!" I meekly replied.
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